I've just realised that making a decision is not the hard part; standing by it is. Becoming a Christian was a long time dream of mine. In the rebel years of my life, i had boldly showed that i had all intentions of becoming a Christian, from refusing to go to temples to outrightly hinting it, none too subtlely.
Yet now, 5 years later, I'm troubled my decision. On one hand, there's God. On the other hand, there's everyone else that i've cared for throughout my entire life. I had naively thought that if Kai was with me, i could bear the reactions of everyone else. Sadly, i discovered today that i can't.
When i think of how disappointed my mum would be, i just feel like crying. I've always had such a love-hate relationship with her. Yet, without her, i'll never have become who i am today.She's been the well of wisdom and knowledge in my life. She was the one i looked up to the most; the one i wanted to emulate, to become, to make proud of.
Despite everything that other people may think, she's the one who's had the greatest impact on my life and I know that because i love her so deeply, it hurts me to know now that i'm lying to her and one day may cause her to feel hurt by my actions.
She's had so much pain in her life and i'm going to bring more one day, on top of every hurt and pain that i've inflicted on her throughout my life. I'm not sure i want to live to see that day.
Will You please grant me a miracle and make my mum believe in You too? Please...
dreamt of @ 1:01 am
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` Tagboard.
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` wordsWorth.
certain quotes from certain places..
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trials because when he stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12
"Oh, nothing can happen more than once,
But all things must happen one day
Over hill and dale, over wood and stream,
My dying voice will blow away... " The Neverending story
"Walk by Faith, Not by sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
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