Today was an interesting day, with i believe, interesting messages from God everywhere. I'm not really sure if it's really Him speaking, but i felt like it was. =)
For starters, i spoke with beth about my messy settlement of the reunion dinner matter. Instead of the usual words of support that friends offer, i recieved instead just the opposite. She told me to treasure the fact that i could still be with these people and as it had been a long time since i last went out with them, it was natural for me to feel left out. She also mentioned that it was very tactless of me to air my unhappiness on my blog because it is actually a very offensive act. =( Well, i didn't really know that until today. Doubts about my actions are starting to creep into my mind.
Then i had psycho tutorial in which we discussed the personality traits that are unique to Singaporeans. Well, the common thing that comes out Kiasu, Kiasee, KiaBor... and many other interesting abbreviations like ABCB(act cute bua cute), BHB(bua hiao bai). Hehe.. well one thing that is definitely characteristic of Singaporeans is our unexplainable love for abbreviations. =P
After that i had a good talk with Joanne (a sweet gal from my psycho tut) while waiting for the make up lecture at 530. Since it was 330pm, we talked for almost 2 hours straight! We were supposed to study for Monday's quiz but instead... Well, the talk actually did me much good. I learnt that there in front of me was another one who belonged to the race who knows Joseph! Aside from that, i got to know of someone who, i'd never believe it if i didn't experience it for myself, was so much like me in the past, only much sweeter. =P Anyway, it was really a great sharing session in which we spoke about education systems, the different countries' political systems, personality traits of people and the effects of culture and much more. Most importantly from talking to her, i felt like God was making me take a good look at myself. What i was like (similar) in the past and what i have become. Temper and anger was not the way, but nor was complete inwardness. I was once again reminded of my weakness of being overly extreme in things i do.
Time flew by quickly and we went for the lecture at LT 27. Although my stomach was growling non-stop and my bladder was on the verge of bursting( exaggeration!), it was one enjoyable lecture where i gained a number of insights. I kept feeling like God was speaking to me through the lecture. The topics covered included approaches to self and EQ . While seemingly unrelated, there were ideas that stood out very strongly.
1. When dealing with people, having EQ means having awareness of the self's feelings, being able to regulate them, being able to control one's impulses, being able to empathise with others and having the ability to influence and guide others without incurring anger and resentment.
This points struck me hard because i felt like i was seriously lacking in them and because of it, i was/ would be doing things that may not only hurt myself but others as well. What do i mean? Just as in the case of the reunion dinner and many others before that. Then i had believed that i was a rebel with a cause and thus felt self-righteous. Now, i just think that i'm an impetuous person too overwhelmed by my emotion to think straight. How can i teach others to lead when i am not able to do so myself? How can i rebuke others about being insensitive when pride has deafen my ears and blinded my eyes? I saw the pain and hurt they caused me, but i never really considered the hurt and pain in their lives. I really need to take out this plank in my eyes before i can pick the speck out of my brother's eyes.
It's kind of late, but i would like to make a resolution to learn humility; for i want to hear and see once again.
2. There are 3 main strategies with which people deal with their life goals: social constraints, defensive pessimism and outcome focus. To take on the social constraints perspective is to allow the constraints to become the focus and change everything to fit it. Defensive pessimism on the other hand, would mean doing things like self-handicapping to protect one's ego. This comes in instances of purposely not studying when you know that you do not have enough time to complete everything you need to and choosing to go clubbing because if you fail, you've got a great shield to hide behind. The 3rd perspective is probably the most constructive one since you would be looking at the outcome as the focus and trying to work with that as the goal.
I realised that for a large part of my life i have been adopting the social constraints perspective; focusing not on what i can do to make things better, but how others have shortchanged me, how things have been unfair, how because i have because of my parents or someone else, made decisions that i regret. Really, the truth is that no one really forced me and i know it. If i wanted a choice that was different from theirs, i could have just made it. Instead, i chose to follow their choices, decieving myself that there was no way they would allow me to do otherwise.
Well, that aside, we had a valentines day cum friendship day cum fellowship at seminar room 10, where we played games,ate food and had another incredible sharing session. From that session, i not only learnt more about my fellow bros and sisters but was again struck by the feeling that God wanted me to learn. I felt myself reflecting on my actions for the 3rd time today. Why should i because of jealousy,envy and pride, ruin the love of a friendship?
So now i say to you, my friends out there whom i have wronged: I am sorry.
If you can find it in your hearts to forgive us, please do and may we seriously get together to thrash out the wrongs that have been made. Impulse and pride made me walk away. Hurt and pain blinded me to the past memories we shared and made me see nothing but emptiness in the future. We've both made mistakes. Let's not let it carry on further.
Quiet Ciaoz.
dreamt of @ 11:15 pm
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` Tagboard.
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` wordsWorth.
certain quotes from certain places..
"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trials because when he stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12
"Oh, nothing can happen more than once,
But all things must happen one day
Over hill and dale, over wood and stream,
My dying voice will blow away... " The Neverending story
"Walk by Faith, Not by sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
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