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Met up with an old friend today. An old friend whom I grew up with and whom I watched grow up. I'm not sure I like what happened to __ though. Seems like the happy person is slowly disappearing into a the quicksand of indifference.
A few learning points from this incident.
1) When you think you are doing fine as a friend, consider the number of times you (a) thought of your friend, (b) tried to find out about their lives, (c)is updated about the troubles they are going through.
2) Don't try to justify your actions/ lack of actions after trust is lost.
3) Never give up on the person unless you really think that you're ready and able to completely wipe the memories of the person from your life.
Honestly, I sometimes feel that I only have limited capacity in my heart. Find it so difficult to remember to care about people. I think that's self-centredness. All who agree with me, breathe.
I know it's supposed to be the other way round (i.e. Care about people therefore you will remember to ask about them.) but I'm finding it really really hard. It brings me back to the same question that I've asked myself loads of times: Why are you so lousy at keeping friends?
Naivity makes me believe that time stops for me. Reality wakes me up to the truth that everyone's gone.
dreamt of @ 9:28 pm
Suddenly I miss my long hair.
The impact of change usually grabs you when you are alone and feeling vulnerable. Sneak. I'm such a creature of habit. In all sense of the word.
Not
I've been told that you've got to let go so that God can put something better in place. I think I've never really internalized that lesson completely. In some areas, I'm fine with it but I simply suck in others. I've been told that I'd apologise a thousand times for the most trivial of mistakes but it will take a jack to pry out a sorry from me when something major occurs. That's how I am.
I want to change that. I'm not exactly sure how I can go about doing that or how long I'll last being the creature of habit that I am. I'm pretty certain I need extra doses of the HS and in God's account books, I'm probably listed as one of the top grievers of HS. Darn. My heart is my weakness. I think I like people too easily, which is why I don't really like to be close friends with guys. Then again, it doesn't seem like the healthiest way to solve the problem. I wonder if I was built with an extra amygdala (hope i didn't spell that wrongly).
One day, I'm gonna forget you completely. I'm almost succeeding so don't you dare appear anywhere near me in the next 20 centuries. If you value your life and sanity, don't ever mention it to me again.=_=
On a cheery note, life's pretty much on the upslope. Things are looking bright and the economies booming. This sounds really PC after all my ranting. It's ok though.. I think you've fallowed sufficiently such that no one really thinks I write in you anymore. =) Makes me feel kinda lousy and grateful at the same time. I know people are going to say that if I wanted privacy, I should golly well write in a traditional lock and key diary but hey! this is the 21st century and I type faster than I write. Besides, I love the look of my blog and it makes reading all the entries much more interesting.
Passing Phase of Pre-Quarter life musings. Ciao.
dreamt of @ 2:13 am
jo lum
chilli
liars
To be able to concentrate on my studies!
16.09.1985
virgo
` likes.
novels
cats & nachos
anne of green gables
jughead
purple!
dreaming..
believing in the goodness of the world
` don't-likes.
being disappointed
mud on my shoes (yuck)
gravyyyyyyyyy on my riceeeee =P
murtabak! =s
blockheads
To go for my canada trip with Pammie-gal!
To have my 21st birthday celebration in Esmiridas!
To have more faith!
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certain quotes from certain places.. "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trials because when he stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12 "Oh, nothing can happen more than once, But all things must happen one day Over hill and dale, over wood and stream, My dying voice will blow away... " The Neverending story "Walk by Faith, Not by sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7 |